Where sex be happy happy


Fortunate, Svutlana Fitbit provide answer. There be rough 140 steps in sex that be 0.05 miles (0.08 kilometres) or 264 feet.

Most impress way for put 264 feet (and Svutlana sex life) in perspective be for consider that…


It make sense for put sex in amuse park where it belong. Think about sex life amuse park and what kind of ride you be on. You be on Ferris wheel with Svutlana, carousel, roller coaster, bumper car, tilt-a-whirl, trolley car or inside fun house where floors move, bodies stretch and shrink and for sure somebody scream? What kind of ride you want for be on?

It be Monday night and Svutlana and partner be in moods for steady climb for top in Ferris wheel. Maybe Friday night we feel like little bit gravitron where turn out lights and start for spin until feel weightless and want for puke. Who for fuck know?

Whatever you do be sure for wear personal track device so that you know how far you go when make happy happy and can count tally toward 10000 step per day goal.

Warm regard you too much!




Believe or no, Svutlana spend most of past year away from blog with try for sell sweat for large body masses. Sweat be wonder drug with fountain of youth inside that among many other thing can prevent Alzheimer, cure depression and reduce stresses. Even so, it no be easy task for make peoples want for sweat when they would rather sit in front of screens small, medium and super size with no move one little bits.

In Svutlana opinion, we need for complete forget about what sweat do for blood pressures, blood sugars and good cholesterols and talk more about what sweat do for lubricate sex life. Sweat improve blood flow for genitals that improve orgasm and improve self esteem that improve flow of sexual thoughts, but even all this no be enough…we need something more Las Vegas for sell sweat.

What we need be Exercise-Induce Orgasm.

In 1953 Alfred Kinsey discover exercise-induce orgasm and sister phenomenon that be exercise-induce sexual pleasures. Svutlana use feminine word “sister” for describe because, fortunate, exercise-induce orgasm/sexual pleasures only happen for womens. If exericse-induce orgasm happen for mens, go for gym be entire different kind of experience where mens work out all days and clean up on treadmill #6 be common refrains.

Oh oh oh ladies, what happy happy day it be for you when go for gym and cardio screen light up with big O…


Svutlana never experience EIO, but like lottery player who keep buy ticket, go for gym every days with hope for hit big jackpot. That be said, Svutlana experience exercise-induce sex pleasures most of times, especial when listen for Usher sing Good Kisser while do Bulgarian split squats.

Svutlana hope you sweat at least three time each week for at least twenty minutes for your physical, mental and sexual health and wish that everybody who land on Svutlana blog could experience blog-induce orgasm.

Warm regard you too much,


Why Svutlana new pepper grind machine take four triple A battery, but Svutlana buzz machine take only two?



Think maybe Svutlana be cheap grind…



Thank you extreme much for womens who send pictures for Svutlana and ask about Penis Day in Japan that apparent be celebrate March 15…

Svutlana, Is March 15 Penis Day in Japan? I looked for a website and couldn’t find anything on this. I thought you might know. Perhaps there is a Penis Day but it’s in Svutlandia and not Japan? Makes me wonder if they celebrate the vagina at all…

Believe or no, celebrate no be call Penis Day but Honen Matsuri that mean rich harvest festival. This practice date back over 1500 year to discovery of shrine where there be many artifact, most of which be shape like gashooshlank. Therefore, for celebrate Honen Matsuri, extreme big gashooshlank be parade down street.

It look like it be extreme hard work for carry around giant gashooshlank. Apparent, every year new gashooshlank be carve from cedar tree that go through purification ritual. Gashooshlank that be in Honsun Matsuri parade be approximate eight feet long and weigh over 600 pound and be carry all over places before it be spin around many time at Tagata Jinja shrine.

It be important for note that gashooshlank no be worship like they do in NFL, but rather be humble offer for gods. During ceremony peoples rub gashooshlank and make fertile wish for much bounty. Much sake be serve and everybody look like they be have extreme good times…

Vice have Svutlana for everybody be for find gashooshlank immediate for rub and make wish (maybe it be your own gashooshlank or maybe it belong for somebody else).

Happy happy belate Honsun Matsuri,


Suki receive many offer for nose job…

For sure this child grow up for be little bit disappoint and have absolute no ideas why.


I know this may sound, well, different? but I get so turned on when I smell cinnamon. Whenever I’m in the supermarket and I walk down an aisle where there are cinnamon products, I go nuts! When I get home, I have to masturbate or I’ll go crazy. Whenever my girlfriend is not around I like to go to the supermarket and buy cinnamon products. I prefer to take my time. The thrill is overwhelming. I like to buy the cinnamon bread. When I get home I put it in the toaster and the whole apartment fills with cinnamon. I also like to buy the cinnamon rolls you put in the oven. Once the scent fills the apartment, I can hardly control myself. Is it normal to get so turned on with a specific scent?


Dear Mr Cinnamens,

Your letter make Svutlana smile more than little bits, Mr Cinnamens. Oh, what delight fetish you have! Cinnamon have many health-enhance qualities and, believe or no, Song of Solomon–that contain most sexy bits in Bible–mention cinnamon as scent of garment that belong for beloved. Svutlana can complete understand sensual attract of smell because love me too much smell of Svutlana grandmother (Svutnana) banana muffin. Banana muffin smell no turn Svutlana on, but smell make me feel happy and peaceful inside and so Svutlana be more likely for make happy happy. In your case, it be extreme possible that when you be little boy you play with gashooshlank coincidental at same times as somebody near cook with cinnamon. Inside brain, sex and cinnamon be condition and world first cinnamon fetishist be born!

Ever think about get job inside Cinnabon store or maybe buy Cinnabon franchise, Mr Cinnamens? It seem for me that this be excellent vice for you. For sure you be best Cinnabon employee (or franchisee) of all times, but maybe cinnamon in Cinnabon be too much for you and you get little bit sense overload. Svutlana pass Cinnabons at O’Hare Airport (there be three Cinnabons at O’Hare) and almost pass out with smell because it be so intense. Svutlana worry about what be on top of bun that you serve, Mr Cinnamens. Maybe you get in for troubles…

In Svutlana opinion, it be too bad there no be more peoples like you with nice smell fetish, Mr Cinnamens. There be many peoples with smell fetish that be attach for other fetish. For examples, foot fetish peoples who like smell of sweat feet or leather fetish peoples who like smell of saddle. It be extreme rare for have stand-alone smell fetish.

Surprise me that you no involve girlfriend with fetish, Mr Cinnamens. Can easy sprinkle cinnamon on top girlfriend, but maybe scent of powder from bottle no be strong enough for you. Need for get cinnamon bun candle or toast bun beside bed. No worries if girlfriend think you be weird. In sex, everything be relative, Mr Cinamens. Sometime Svutlana recommend mate and switch strategy where you pretend for have extreme kink then switch for kink you actual have that be much more mild. For examples, can pretend you want for sniff girlfriend pantie then whip out toast oven and bake cinnamon bun instead.

Guarantee me, girlfriend be extreme relieve for see cinnamon bun in toaster oven and boyfriend with little bit cinnamon fetish than boyfriend who like for smell her pantie. Can tell her that your fetish be antioxidant and that cinnamon also be antimicrobial that kill mosquito larvae if this be of concern for girlfriend.

Oh, congratulate profuse, Mr Cinnamens on this most fabulous cinnamon fetish!


Hey Svutlana,

I have read that 75% of people said that they don’t want their toes sucked. Researchers have hypothesized that toe sucking became popular in the 16th and 19th century Europe when there were large outbreaks of syphilis. Foot fetishes were supposedly developed as a way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases. Apparently, our advances in safe sex are the reason toe sucking has gone out of style.

What do you know of this, Svutlana? Is toe sucking more popular in some countries than others? Do they suck toes in Svutlandia? 


Always on My Toes! (call me Ms whatever you decide to call me)

Dear Ms Toe,

You be right Ms Toe–no hear you too much about toe suck these days, but guarantee me, if you go on any give Sunday for any give park in Svutlandia you see nothing but couples sit on park bench with toe stick inside mouth. First appearance of toe suckers be rite of spring like when see first robin in Oakville (little bit tight ass town on shore of Lake Ontario where Svutlana now reside as sexual spy for Svutlandia government).

We have  fountains inside Svutlandia park for wash toes, and little pots with flavor jelly call “Toe Jam” that park vendor sell for dip partner toe inside before suck. You see, in Svutlandia toe suck be nation pastime, and foremothers and forefathers want for put toe on Svutlandia national flag, but decide at last minutes for put nipple instead because nipple be slight more popular for suck on.

Have me absolute no ideas about you, Ms Toe, but Svutlana always be extreme suspicious about sex statistic unless come from Svutlandia Sex Institute where all sex study be careful screwtinize. Remember study about whether it be better for be slut or stud? Slut-Stud Sex Study be base on sample of 104 19-year-old University of Saskatchewan Psychology 101 student, half of who be virgins. This virgin sample take look at 33 sex behavior and decide for everybody what be normal and what be abnormal. In Svutlandia we call virgins “sample deviations” that must be remove immediate from sex study so as no for contaminate results.

Guarantee me, if give this Saskatchewan virgin sample toe suck for evaluate, for sure they call it abnormal.Unfortunate, most sex study tend for attract virgin experiment error because must draw on captive population of extreme horny, yet inexperience undergraduates. Svutlana say go for WalMart on any give Saturday afternoon if want you for put finger on sexual pulse of nation. Maybe pulse be extreme faint, but at least you find subjects with little bit sex experiences.

All that be said, hypothesis that toe suck be way for avoid sex transmit disease make complete sense for me, although Svutlana wonder about feet sanitation in 16th and 19th century  and how safe it actual be for suck on toe that maybe stick someplace where there be little bit black plagues.

Vice Svutlana have for you, Ms Toe, be complete forget about what sex behaviours be most popular on iSex chart and just do what feel good for you. For some reasons, and have me absolute no ideas why, toe suck feel extreme good. Is as if clitoris be somehow connect for toe via sciatic nerve.

Here be picture of Sting with wife Trudy toe in mouth in yacht off coast of Sydney Australia. See big smile on Ms Trudy face? She even interrupt book read for watch Mr Sting suck her toe. For sure four or five hours later little yellow sign appear on bow that say orgasm on board.

Vice have Svutlana for you and everybody who read vice column be for suck some toe today. Give toe good wash first, then dip in for guacamole or strawberry or chocolate and go for towns. Get you bonus point if toe suck on park bench like we do in Svutlandia.


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