Where sex be happy happy

Happy Happy Thanksgive for visitors for Svutlana blog in Unite States and for everybody who like for give thanks. Accord for Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology, one of best ways for feel immediate happy be for give thanks. But too often when peoples give thanks they give thanks for food or football or family and complete forget for give thanks for sex organs, sex toys and sex partners that give sensuous pleasures.

So today, no matter where you be, give thanks for have happy happy sex life in world where there be Bill Cosby.




O-O-OH Santa!

Christmas be exact one month away so today be perfect times for consider that 1 out of 5 womens have Santa Claus fetish. This fetishistic statistic come from online survey of naughty peoples, but unscientific though it may be, prevalence of Santa fetish make complete sense for Svutlana.

Comfort. Joy. Giving. It no take much for warm tides of season for combine with soft feel of Santa belly in velveteen suit and turn in for sex arouse…


Miss Microsheen know that shiny fascist boots be only part of allure of Santa and can absolute no wait for see what be inside of Santa sacks. She know what everybody who visit Svutlana blog know–that Santa possess jolly carnal appetites that can make womens (and gay mens with Santa fetish) extreme merry.

Journey for South Pole with secret Santa provide nice side trip for fetish peoples like Svutlana who believe that holiday season have far too much Dasher and no near enough Vixen.


Slide09In Svutlandia, all childrens receive sex educations so can have happy happy skillful sex lives. In rest of world outside Svutlandia everybody think that ability for give and receive sexual pleasures be skill you be born with that no require diligent studies that lead for SATs–Sex Aptitude Tests. In Svutlandia everybody must pass SAT before they be allow for graduate high school and must complete again one time before marry for ensure that couple pass SAT and that their scores be within one standard deviation of each other.

Svutlana try for perform pubic service with provide little bit sex educate on Svutlana blog. In general, if make happy happy and partner resemble victim in needs of CPR, try something else. But if line of communicate remain open at all times–something childrens learn in first day of sexual educate class in Svutlandia–guarantee me, CPR sex never happen.


Dear Svutlana

I am a light smoker, and because of this my wife is reluctant to allow me to give her oral sex. Her fears lie in my smoking and possible vaginal contact with carcinogens.

Is there any medical basis supporting her anxiety?

Smokin’ Hot

Dear Mr Smoke,

Svutlana be sorry for hear that a) you be smoker–say you be light smoker be same as say you be slight obese–and b) wife must go through every days with no oral please. Can understand me complete why wife no want for have smokey tongue anywhere near vagina that already be more clean than average mouth with no smoke inside.

That be said, there be absolute no research on health risk of smokey cunnilingus. There be extreme little research on cunnilingus in general that, in Svutlana opinion be shameful because guarantee me, cunnilingus can serve up more orgasms than…let Svutlana put this way: if Svutlana be rich women’s, she buy big billboard in every major city in world that say…

Vice that Svutlana have for you, Mr Smoke, be simple. Quit with smoke and every time you crave cigarette, find oral gratifications with wife. In Svutlandia we call this lickotine replacement therapy. (Guarantee me, many womens who read this vice will want husband for take up smoke so can quit.) If you can absolute no quit and you try everything from acupunct to hypnotize, take little piece of cellophane and place on top wife pubey region then go for town. If you be husband with wife who smoke and still want fellatio, you can put condom on for protect gashooshlank from carcinogens.

Guarantee me, no husbands will follow this vice.

Bottom lines be just because you have extreme bad habit, this no necessary mean you can no light up your wife and make her smoke.



Dear Svutlana,

I hold you personally responsible for what happened to my husband and me last night. Our three children were out for the evening so my husband and I had a romantic dinner and returned home to light some candles and make happy happy in the living room. The doors were shut so the dog couldn’t get in and we were having a great time using the position roulette wheel app you recommended to me.

We were enjoying the standing wheelbarrow and making a lot of noise when I heard a sound. We were not alone! My twentysomething son AND his friend were in the house. They beat it for the exit and I don’t think they saw anything, but this morning my son was looking at me with a strange grin on his face. I feel so unsettled, Svutlana. I don’t know what he heard, but he certainly knows what his parents were doing.

A Wheelbarrow Full of Embarrassment

Dear Ms Wheelbarrow,

First, congratulate profuse on spin wheel with land on stand wheelbarrow that be Svutlana most favorite position of all times, Ms Wheelbarrow. Win Svutlana win be-lay race at annual Svutlandia sex picnic with cover lot of grounds extreme fast in this position.

Reggie and Betty from Archie comic demonstrate stand wheelbarrow below:

It be impossible for do stand wheelbarrow with no make single sounds, Ms Wheelbarrow. Laugh be most common sound associate with stand wheelbarrow, especial when try for get in for position. Run shoes beside couple indicate that this be athletic position that require fair amount of strength for suspend disbelief.

All that be said, am no exact sure how Svutlana be responsible for peoples who hear you make happy happy, Ms Wheelbarrow. If Svutlana be in house and provide fuckcilitation with encourage you for spin wheel and make loud noise when get in for positions, then yes, Svutlana be person direct responsible. Fuckcilitation be service Svutlana provide, if anyone be interest, but in this case, Svutlana simple plant idea inside your mind for spin happy happy roulette wheel that you can purchase with app or make yourself with draw from hat one of positions you find here…


It seem for me that son be proud of you and husband for make happy happy and this be why he grin. He probable brag for friends that parents get on it with make loud noises in live room after twentysomething year of marry and he hope he do same when he be your age. You, on other hands, be unsettle with embarrass. Need you for get for fuck over this, Ms Wheelbarrow. No do you anything wrong and nobody see anything that traumatize them except what you see inside your head.

Svutlana vice for you be for light candles next Saturday night, return for live room and spin wheel again one time, Ms Wheelbarrow. All sex accidents demand that you return for accident scene and recreate with outcome you desire as soon as possible so you no become sex phobey. If can absolute no clear house out, recreate scene inside mind many times over. Svutlana vice be base on principle of classical sex conditions that be main construct for Svutonomic theory.

Theory state, and quote me that “Any happy happy experience that be associate with strong emotion (especial negative) always result in conditions”.

Vice have Svutlana for everybody be for always recondition response immediate after sex accident and be careful for manage all strong negative emotion that in some unfortunate case lead for missexthropy where you want for fuck somebody you no like one little bit.

Warm regard you too much!




Dear Svutlana,

Is it ever appropriate to thank someone for sex?

Miss Manners

Dear Miss Manner,

Thank you too much for give Svutlana rare sexual etiquette question. When Svutlana meet somebody for first times, always ask me this question: What be your number one sex peeve? For some reasons, many peoples refuse for answer Svutlana (and some no be extreme nice about) but peoples who do be kind enough for answer this research question usual say, “No like me one little bit when sex partner say ‘Thank you’ after make happy happy.”

Svutlana can complete understand urge for say thank you after make happy happy because most peoples be condition for say thank you when somebody do something nice for them like open door or serve pumpkin latte or help with orgasm. Svutlana often want for exclaim THANK YOU! in capital letter after happy happy, but always try for suppress.

Svutlana can also understand urge for get mad when somebody say thank you after sex. Thank you be mundane expression that peoples use with no think many time each day and it seem for imply that happy happy be all about person who say ‘Thank you’ and other person simple be there for serve it up.

One womens tell Svutlana she feel like whore when boyfriend say thank you after happy happy. Svutlana ask this womens: “What be wrong with feel like whore?” Svutlana recommend that couple with bore sex life invite whore in for bedroom, so for speak, with make sex in for monetary transaction. From time for time, Svutlana ask for Monopoly money for sex because add little bit spice for happy happy when Svutlana become board game whore from Baltic Avenue. And when use Monopoly monies, can be extreme expensive whore with charge $15,140 that be entire contents of Monopoly bank.

Where be me?

Vice Svutlana have for everybody be never say thank you after happy happy. Instead do what Svutlana do and plan in advances how for express creative gratitudes. Can prepare cue card for make short toastmaster speech if wish, or can write note for leave behind.

Here be actual Svutlana note that use on recent occasion (write note on blank card–cream colour stationery be classiest–and slip under pillow like teeth fairy):


In Svutlandia, we call this bang-you note. It always be most appreciate for receive bang-you note immediate after happy happy so can paste in for happy happy scrapbook with other bang-you notes and happy happy mementoes. Can re-read bang-you notes from time for time so can feel good about accomplishments and look for recur theme so can continuous improve.

For me, happy happy be feel-good journey of continuous improve, and Svutlana be most grateful for share this journey with you.

Thank you too much,

Svutlana xoxo

p.s. If you draw blank for bang-you note and have absolute no fuck ideas about how for express thanks, Svutlana have template for you…




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